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I've got it.
I also have.
No stuff.
She's a tiefling.
Oh, she's a tiefling.
She probably wears red, being as her name is the Crimson.
You start to feel a little woozy.
Barking Seal says, I'm very sorry this has happened.
I didn't mean to do this. I can fix your friend.
Please don't kill me. We're just workers.
We're just polishing and cleaning and making sure his giants are shiny and good.
You mean all these dead giants?
Yeah. Well, you have to polish dead giants.
See you and call attention to all of the other ones and they all start croaking very loudly at you.
He says that they do have a leader who sometimes speaks more better, as they put it.
Maybe we can try to talk to him.
In Draconic, really slowly I say, take me to your leader.
A couple of them escort you into the back of that room that you're in.
So into Area 14 for your map.
And back there you find more toads.
But one toad who looks fancy, just looks much more fancy than all the other toads.
Seem like wearing a suit. Would you say he's dapper?
I'm picturing like Wind in the Willows toad.
Yes, same here. Mr. Toad's day out.
Because he is fancy.
Mr. Toad's wild ride.
Exactly like that. But that toad is back there and it sounds like some of them are discussing with that toad, perhaps about you.
That toad comes forward and in a very slow toady type voice.
Which I can't wait to hear.
Which you can't wait to hear.
I am Marfob. Who are you?
Hi, I'm Thea.
I wondered who was going to go first.
I'm Flint.
I'm Nulara. We're looking for a dragon.
You're looking for a Rathator? Why?
We switched the name of the dragon.
No, it's not a Rathator.
No, but it was a Ruthator.
Oh, but you know what?
Well, Toad Guy might pronounce it weird.
Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking.
Yes, we are looking for a Rathator.
Out of both sounds.
Do you serve him?
Yes, we keep track of treasures and goings on at Oyavagaton.
I'm sorry, what?
Sorry, pardon?
And the goings on at Oyagivafuck.
Oyagivafuck.
Bless you.
Oyavagaton.
Sure, that's a V. We'll go with that.
Is that where we are right now?
Yes, it is. It was at the top of the map.
Yes, it's still there and does not look like that word at all.
No, it doesn't.
This is Oyagivat.
Oyavagatonfuck.
This is a Rathator's lair.
I will refer to it only as a Rathator's lair going forward.
Seems easier.
Is he around?
Yes.
We're here from out of town.
Do you mean harm?
No.
Actually, you know what?
Are we really looking for a Rathator or are we looking for his buddy?
Are we looking for the lady?
The lady with the horns.
Well, we're looking for Makkah the crimson.
We certainly are.
We'd like to chat with her before we hang it with a Rathator.
Is there a tiefling around here?
Yes.
We're looking for one.
Yes, there is.
Down the hall you will find her.
Cool, thanks.
Keep up the good work.
You're doing a fantastic job.
We can see how organized you are.
When we talk to a Rathator, we're going to tell him that you guys need a raise.
We love what we do.
We don't get paid.
Oh, so then you need more responsibility.
Yes.
We keep track of all the things in the North.
All of the things?
And his treasures.
Everything?
We have vast knowledge of all the things that happen in the North.
Do you know if there has been a Drakorn up North?
There was at one point.
Yes.
Because the Crimson Lady knows more about Drakorn.
More than you?
I don't believe it.
She was more in charge of the Drakorn than I.
She was in charge, you guys.
I think we need to go talk to her.
For sure.
Thanks, buddy.
What was your name again?
Marvul.
We appreciate the chat, Marvul.
Thanks, Marv.
I call myself Marvul.
As you go out into the hall, Nulara's first, I see.
I feel like this has gone well so far.
I'd like to leave.
We just had a nice pleasant chat with those giant toads,
so I'm happy to just keep moving along.
Do you want to make a Dexterity saving throw there, Nulara?
Oh, God.
I mean, yay!
That sounded like a resounding yes to me.
Well, it was a critical fail.
Oh, my God.
Well, I didn't call it.
I thought it was going to be my new setup roll, but no.
That one went well for you.
It's my fall into a trap roll or whatever I just did.
You walk out into the hall and you are struck.
You don't want me to see that, do you?
Well, you can see.
No, because it's got all the details about what's happening.
Do I slide on a banana peel?
You slide on a banana peel.
There's actually just a cucumber sitting there and you freak the fuck out.
You lose your shit over this cucumber.
You slide on a banana peel right into an ice troll's claws.
Oh, no.
Does he hold her in a firm embrace?
Yeah, definitely does.
Like King Kong style?
Is it tender?
Well, let's find out.
Does he think I'm pretty?
What's your AC?
My AC is 17, I believe.
Oops, sorry.
I'm not actually rolling.
It pulls you in and, well, it doesn't attack you with both claws, but it takes a bite out of you.
And you will take five piercing damage.
Dam-mage.
And what did you say it was?
An ice what?
Ice troll.
Okay, sounds great.
So you should all roll for initiative now.
I will.
Yeah, all right.
Fucking roll.
Nine.
Ten.
Four.
Guys, we're nailing this.
I'm doing real good tonight.
I'm on fire.
Every time you say tonight, it freaks me out.
Oh, yeah.
What are you talking about?
You're doing real good tomorrow morning.
It's last night.
Bad news, guys.
There's at least two more ice trolls.
I don't know if you've looked at the map.
I know.
It's not just the one.
It's piercing embrace.
Though I do think something might start between you guys.
Maybe.
I might use my one point.
Might use my one point to make it so.
Oh, plot point.
All right.
Just kidding.
I'm going to save that for a really important time.
Obviously, blue troll.
Blue troll gets to go first and he rushes towards the.
I open my arms up wide to like invite him.
I bring it.
He does the same to you.
Tries to bite you and attack you with both claws.
That's not very nice.
A lot of dice getting rolled.
Yeah, I'm hearing that.
The bite against your AC is a 13.
The two claws, however, are a 24 and a 19.
Wow.
OK, OK.
That's 25 damage.
That's half my fucking.
Oh, my God.
Well, you better fight back.
It's Flint's turn.
But I think I think Russ introduced this healing surge option just because he was going to kick our ass.
I think so, too.
I wonder if I should go help Thea or if I should go occupy the red guy who is seemingly unattached at the moment.
He needs a dancer partner.
Well, I just don't want to go help you and then have him like sneak up behind you and kick your ass.
Go for the red.
All right.
I obviously scream that at you as I'm being bitten.
OK, yeah, so I will I will attack this.
What is it?
Frost giant, you said?
Ice troll.
I like that we can't remember.
And it was literally a minute ago that you said.
OK, so I will swing my two handed axe towards his head because that's how I roll.
Fantastic.
That's how he rolls.
It's 24, but not critical by any way, shape or form.
That's good.
Yeah.
Eight and eleven.
Whoa.
Nineteen plus four is twenty three on the first attack.
OK, nice.
Nice.
And then eighteen is my attack roll on the next one.
Fingers crossed.
Eighteen is good.
Sweet.
Oh, rolled off the table.
Hang on.
Oh, three on the first one.
That's what I get.
And nine is twelve and four sixteen.
Geez.
I watch from my clawy embrace and I really am into what you're doing over there, Flint.
Excellent.
Now, Thea's turn.
OK, so I'm going to conjure flaming sphere.
So you need to make a dexterity saving throw.
I think what she meant to say is you need to fail a dexterity saving throw.
Yes.
Dex, that's a nine.
That is a fail.
Whoa.
So it's 2d6.
Oh, no, wait, that's on a failed.
Yeah, 2d6 fire damage.
Half of it's saved.
OK.
OK, so six damage.
Really?
That's it.
He takes 12 damage.
I was just going to say being some sort of ice troll, perhaps a flaming sword would be
a good idea.
That's why I chose fire.
I thought these guys are ice.
I would also like to do as a bonus action healing surge.
OK.
What do I do for that?
You use one of your hit die.
Anyone?
I can shoot.
You have d6 as your hit die.
Oh, OK.
I'm like any one of my three.
This d20 looks good.
That's it.
That's what you get.
OK.
Well, I guess only having 22 hit points taken away is better than 25.
Exactly.
So, yes.
It's now green troll's turn.
He is going to attack you, Nulara.
He's going to try.
With his bite, he gets 26 against your AC.
Well, that'll do it.
His claw is 10.
Second claw is 22.
That will do it.
So a bite and a claw get through.
The other one, he's just giving you the finger with it.
So he's just being rude.
That's 18 damage.
Well, then.
And now it's Nulara's turn.
OK.
I whisper Mui Caliente to my sword.
It's on fire now.
I'm obviously attacking that banana peel jag off that just gave me all that damage.
Of course.
18 on my first attack.
18 is good.
Nice.
So he gets six, but that's piercing.
OK.
But the fire damage is 5 is 11.
So do you need those separate?
Does he get more from fire?
He gets more from the fire, yes.
So double the fire.
OK.
So 6 plus 22.
So 28.
OK.
Yeah, do it.
Second attack.
Oh, 19, 28.
And then 5 plus.
OK, so 4, 5, 10, 15 damage.
All right.
Then Donnie's going to bite that mofo.
Maybe.
OK.
Nope, he got a 13.
Donnie's not going to bite him.
Yeah, no, definitely.
Donnie didn't have a turn last time, did he?
Last time?
We haven't had turns yet.
That was my first turn.
Oh, wow, gosh.
She got snuck attacked.
Oh, right.
I slipped on that banana peel.
Snuck attacked?
Snuck attacked.
Snuck attack.
Saffron.
Snuck attack.
That's horrible.
That sounds like snacks and it makes me wish I had one.
Snacks would be so good right now.
Red guy's turn and he goes for flint on his bite.
Brilliant.
That is a 23 against your AC.
Okie dokie.
On his first claw, another 23.
Consistent.
And second claw is 11.
Hooray.
So one bite and a claw.
You are going to take 18 damage.
OK.
Back to the top.
We got blue troll.
Guys, I think I might die.
So if I do know this, I really wish I got to sleep with Salazar.
We'll make sure to tell him for you.
Oh, man.
Daughter walked in it just then.
Give me a sec.
Alright, he's attacking you there.
Bite.
Right, I wanted to sleep with Salazar, but I never got the chance.
So, Nulara.
Bite 16.
Claw.
No.
16 against your AC.
Oh, right.
Which hits.
Which hits me, but it's not 16 points.
11 for the first claw, so that's no good.
And 9.
So you only take a bite on that one.
Nice.
That is 10 damage, though.
Alright, that only brings me to 32.
Oh, that's not so bad.
You tell Salazar yourself.
You will make it.
Flint, you are up, sir.
Alright, out of curiosity, how hurt is the red fellow looking?
He is not looking bloodied.
Okay.
If that's what you're asking.
I was asking exactly that question.
I guess I could have phrased it that way.
He was being so passive about it.
I was being very coy.
Yes.
How much information is he going to give me here?
For free, without rolling some sort of perception check.
Alright, I guess I will go right back to attacking the red ice troll.
Fantastic.
That's 19 on the first one.
Yes, sir.
6.
And 11 is 17, plus 4 is 21 damage.
He is looking bloodied now.
Excellent.
I will continue attacking him.
So that's 21, but not critical by any way, shape, or form.
8.
Pop the table.
And 6 is 14, and 4 is 18.
He's looking like he's seen better days.
But he's still standing.
Excellent.
Alright.
Thea, you're up.
Okay.
Are these guys wearing armor of any kind?
Negative.
They're naked?
I said negative.
So yes, they're naked.
So they're naked.
Oh yeah.
Okay, well I'm going to use my Flaming Sphere again because it remains.
So I'm going to hit him with it again as a free move.
Yep.
16 damage.
I doubled it for you.
Nice.
Thank you.
Nice.
I'm super nice like that.
Yep.
And then I'm going to produce flame.
Okay.
And hit him with that.
2d8.
Oh shit.
Ow.
16 damage.
I doubled it for you.
And he is bloodied.
Oh yeah.
And he deserves it too.
It is Green Guy's turn now.
He goes to attack you, Nularaaaa.
Bites.
Misses.
That's an 11.
Claws a 17.
That is my AC.
That hits.
And Claw 2 is a 22.
So you get two Claws on this one here.
Part of me feels like it should hit but it should only like, you should only have
to take half the damage because it's not like it bites like totally.
It just barely hits, right?
Yeah.
Like it half hits so you only have to take half the damage.
I know that's not the way this works.
It's a glancing blow.
It is logical.
It does make sense.
That's 22 damage.
Well, oh Nularaaaa, not feeling so good right now.
And it's your turn, Nularaaaa.
Great.
Oh I forgot to do my healing thing.
Shit.
Don't forget to heal yourself.
I'm okay still, probably.
No, but you get a free one.
It's a free bonus move, a healing surge.
Oh yeah, but you still have to use them.
But then I use one of my die, right?
And that's my turn.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Sorry, I did not realize that.
Never mind.
Crap.
We'll see.
You know, I just use those hit die if I die anyway so let's save them.
It's a 19.
19's good.
My first attack.
Okay.
So that is a 3, that is 6 and 6 is 12, doubled is 24, 27 on my first attack.
Second attack is a 10, so that does nothing.
Good thing that first one was good.
Donnie rolled a natch 20 because he's amazing.
Fantastic.
Okay.
So what does that mean?
Double damage?
Double damage.
Yeah.
Does Donnie have fire?
No, he doesn't.
He gets, so, 24 plus 2, so 5 on the first one and then 6, so 11 and then you have
to do a constitution saving throw.
Oh, come on Donnie.
Oh, this would be amazing.
Is that 11 supposed to be doubled though?
No, because there's no fire.
No fire.
No, I did two rolls.
Oh, you did two rolls.
Oh, I gotcha.
Yeah.
He only gets a d4 plus 2, so.
That's a 20.
Well, I guess he does not get stung then.
Critical failure, Russ.
Sorry guys.
Okay, red guy's turn.
Going for you, Flint.
Oh yeah.
Bite.
That's a 21, not critical.
Yep.
18.
Yep.
And that's a 21.
Oh, I'm taking the full brunt.
Brace yourself.
Whoa.
So many dice.
Jesus, that was like 50 dice.
I don't like this silence.
It's just Russ trying to do math.
He's doing all that math on those thousand die you did roll.
I thought he was like trying to pick the right tone to tell me that I was obliterating.
That's 29 damage.
And then blue guy's turn.
Alright.
Oh, this is me.
Is he part of the blue band group?
He is, absolutely.
Just on the weekends though.
So that's a 12 bite, that's not gonna be good.
Nope.
That is a critical miss on that one.
Yep.
Perfect.
And that is a 9.
So you got that one Scott Free there.
Now I'm gonna murder him.
Flint, you're up sir.
Oh wait, right Tommy.
Sorry.
Alright, I will try and destroy this red guy once and for all.
Okay.
So it's a 19, but not a crit.
Yep.
10 on the first one.
11 on the second one and 4 is 25.
Excellent.
Is he dead?
He's still standing.
Damn it.
Alright.
Let's try again.
Is a 17.
I can't remember, does that hit him?
17 does hit, yep.
Excellent.
Oh, 12.
That's a nice max roll.
And 4.
And 4 is 20.
Is he dead now?
He's still standing.
Good lord.
Oh my.
Thea, you're up.
Yeah, I am.
Okay, so I'm going to produce Flame because I can't use my Flaming Sphere anymore.
And so that's two.
Why can't you use your Flaming Sphere anymore?
Well because I've already used it once.
Yeah, but I think it sticks around every round.
Doesn't it stick around for like a set period of time?
It does, but I didn't write it down.
Look it up for up to one minute.
Flaming Sphere I have here is 3d6.
Why haven't you been rolling 3d6?
Well, because it's different on my thing.
This is fucking stupid.
I was like, really?
It's only a 2d6?
That's messed up.
Okay, well roll an extra d6.
I'm gonna, because I'm going to hit him with a Flaming Sphere.
And it's up to a minute, so yeah, you're still good.
Okay, 6.
That's 9.
12, so 24 damage.
Roll another dice, because you got two Flaming Spheres where you didn't have it.
Aw, thanks.
Plus 4.
32.
Yeah.
And now I'm going to do Produce Flame.
It's only 2d8?
Yeah.
So that was 8 damage.
He also is not looking at his best, but he's still standing.
And it is Green Guy's turn.
How you doing on hit points there, New Laura?
I have 22 hit points.
Oh, you're good then, you're good.
I'm fine.
It's confidence for you.
On the bite, that's a 14.
On the claw, that's a 26.
Yeesh.
And the second claw, that's a 13.
So just the bite.
That one then.
That's 6 damage.
And your turn.
Okay.
24, my first attack.
And then 6 plus 5 is 11.
22 plus is 28 damage.
Okay.
My second attack is 17.
That is a hit?
Yes.
Great.
5, 5, 10, 20, 26 on that one.
Donnie's gonna try and sting him.
He will not succeed because he rolled a 3.
So close.
It is Red Troll's turn and as he goes to move towards Flint, he falls over and he is dead.
Oh, convenient.
Yes.
I like that.
Good kill by Guy.
Blue Troll.
He is still moving and going towards Thea.
His bite, that's a 25.
Claw, that's a 9.
And 11 for the second claw.
Alright, so just the bite.
And that's 5 damage.
That's not too bad.
No.
And it's Flint's turn.
Hooray.
Alright, let's launch more giant axe attacks at this Red fellow.
Sorry, Red fellow dropped.
He's dead.
Oh, right.
I forgot all about that.
Solid red axe through him though.
Thank you.
I like that.
Okay, I will...
Who's worse off for hit points between New Laura and Thea?
I've lost 37.
I've got 20 hit points left.
I have 16 hit points left.
Help New Laura.
I'm going to rush over to New Laura's and try and take down the green fellow.
Okay.
Oh, you did rush.
Oh yeah, right on over there.
He's so fast.
He's got some sort of haste spell on, I'm sure.
So that's a 17, which I believe we've been over already and it hits.
Yep.
7 and 6 is 13 and 4 is 17.
Okay.
And a 20, but not critical.
7 and 6 is 13 and 4 is 17.
Sounds good.
He's still standing there.
Okay.
And it's Thea's turn.
Okay.
Blue guy, obviously.
I'm going to hit him with my flaming sphere, which is actually 3d6.
Excellent.
6, 5, 4.
Ooh.
Yeah.
15.
So 30 damage on that one.
Okay.
Do I need to do anything else?
You do.
Oh man.
Okay.
Oh man.
I thought that'd be it.
Produce flame, then I flame him all up.
I'm going to let it roll for me.
20 damage.
Nice.
I like the noise it makes.
Green guy's turn now and he, like red guy, falls to his death.
And now it's Nulara's turn.
Kill the blue one for me.
Swooping Salazar'd up.
Go for it.
I'm going to try.
Well, that was a 13 on my first attack, so that will not work.
And then a 25, so that one will...
So that is 20 damage.
Nice.
20 damage.
Solid.
Donnie can try and bite him too.
He does not.
He rolled a two plus his three is a five.
That will not work.
Good try Donnie.
Well, he is still standing at the end of your turn, but as his turn begins, he falls
over dead as well.
So all three of them are now deceased.
Nice.
Excellent work.
These are the first things in this lair that didn't want to talk to us.
I just wanted to fight.
It's true.
Because we ruined their game of lay down banana peels.
You missed the banana peels so he just got really pissed off and attacked you.
Yeah, he was really mad.
Seems like an overreaction, but alright.
I think I'm going to take a healing potion.
Yeah, me too.
That's probably a good call.
As you look down and around, the toads have kind of retreated back into the
back of their lair den area.
I turn around and go, did you do this?
No, we didn't appreciate your condescending tone.
And you see something scurry down the hall in the direction you were planning
on going.
Can I perception check to see if I see what that is?
Sure.
I don't.
I want to try to perceive.
I also don't.
Let me save you all the trouble.
I did not.
You might as well roll if everyone else is rolling.
I also did not.
You guys just see a flash of something run back down the halls.
And you don't make out what it is.
Okay, let's just go see what it is.
You hear from behind you one of the frogs say, don't go into the next room.
Why?
That's where the trolls live.
Okay.
Thanks.
What room is Macoth in?
You're asking this to the frogs?
She is the next door on the left.
The next next door?
Next next door on the left.
Not the trolls room.
The next door on the left.
Wouldn't that technically be the door on the right then?
Yep.
Door on the right.
More frogs.
Fair enough.
Ah, yes.
Okay.
So that's room, what, nine from the looks of it?
Yes.
Yeah.
Or six if you're coming at it from the different angle.
Oh.
It's very confusing.
So we walk down the hall and we say, thank you.
Thanks again.
Walk over the dead bodies of the trolls.
We're honestly, we're not here to fight.
They attacked us.
They just attacked us.
It wasn't cool.
Going down the hall, you walk past where the trolls live.
Looking in, you just see it as a cavernous chamber filled with like drifting mist and
ice pillars rising from the floor to the ceiling and the sound of running water coming
from in that room.
But otherwise you don't see anything else at first glance going past there.
That's all right.
We're looking for her anyway.
Even if they hadn't told us the trolls live there.
So you go into the next room on your right there and it is an empty chamber, but there
is, you see the one entryway at the back of the chamber there.
As you go into the back entryway in the back of this room here, there is a ramp
that goes up.
And at the top of the ramp, there is a single troll standing guard.
He looks uncertain of you, but it doesn't look like he's making a move to attack you
or move towards you at this point.
Can I do a banana peel perception check?
Sure.
Yeah.
I don't want that to happen again.
Oh, thank goodness.
That is a 15.
No banana peels.
That did not go well for me last time.
It really didn't.
I, so he's seen us already.
He sees you.
So I call up.
Hey.
Solid.
I like it.
It's a solid lead.
And what language do you call that up in?
Draconic.
And he says back to you, who are you?
What are you doing here?
We're here to visit McAuth.
He doesn't like that.
And he comes barreling down the hall towards you.
Good for being honest.
You know what, though?
He slips on a giant banana peel, slides straight out of the room into the hall where he just
kind of like continues down this icy slippery banana peel path.
And he's never seen again.
That's going to be it for us.
Who is leaving all these bananas everywhere?
That sounded like he sounds like Amy used her plot point.
As he comes down that ramp, though, I give him I give him a shove to the right.
Yeah.
And he goes out the door and it's it's comedic.
It's it's very slapstick.
We all giggle and like his arms are like flailing backwards.
It just zooms down the hall.
Zooms.
Eventually, he does find himself a wall and he smacks into it and falls unconscious
to the floor.
Of course.
Yeah.
Plot point used.
Love it.
All right.
Takes care of that for you guys.
You're welcome.
I love it.
So you go just for the slapstick.
I love it.
Yeah.
The sheer Benny Hillness of it is just so you go up the ramp, I assume.
Yeah.
He's guarding.
Yep.
So the empty ice floor of this chamber holds a most unexpected site.
A large shelter is seemingly built out of scraps and the style of tents used by
the desert nomads of Kalamshan, some 2000 miles to the south.
Of course.
You see no obvious opening, but there are overlaps in the fabric that is used.
We say hello.
Yeah.
McCaw?
McCaws, are you in there?
No, no answers received.
Guys, I'm really worried about this tent.
I feel like it's just going to be like a theatre curtain.
I'm going to struggle with finding the opening.
It's going to be awkward.
It's your worst nightmare all over again.
Nyla, you go first.
It went real bad for me last time I went first.
Flynn, can you go first?
I'll go first.
So I try and find an opening in the seams and try to get into that there tent.
Yep.
And you do.
And the interior of the shelter is surprisingly warm, thanks to a small stove
and simple lamps burning, which you smell as aromatic whale oil.
Carpets are heaped on the floor and thick layers and tapestries from every culture
in Faerun hang suspended from a sturdy frame of whale ribs.
You see books and scrolls that are stacked neatly on tables and reading stands made
of hide and whale bone.
The only furnishings in the shelter not made from these natural materials are the
carpets and tapestries and a portable writing desk that appears to have been taken from
a sailing ship and seated at the writing desk is a female tiefling wearing a blazing
crimson cloak over tailored furs.
The cloak is fastened with a silver and ivory brooch bearing a design reminiscent
of a stylized branching tree, which is the symbol of the Arkane Brotherhood.
Two cobalt attendants stand nearby, glancing nervously between you and the tiefling.
And after a few moments, the tiefling looks up with an expression of pale disinterest
and asks, have you come to save me or kill me?
Not that there will be much difference between the two.
It's clearly not her.
We should probably just leave.
Sorry, we were looking for a different tiefling.
Sorry to bother you.
Wearing a red cloak.
Well, it's a little less bitchy, maybe.
Well, you know, that's kind of up to you.
We just had some questions.
If you need saving, we will try to save you.
If not, we would just love answers to our questions and we'll be on our way.
True. People have kind of stopped looking for you at this point.
So if we don't come back with you, it's not a huge deal.
And who are you?
I'm Thea.
Flint.
New Laura.
And who has sent you?
I can't remember.
Someone remember the organizations.
We spoke to Dallas Silverhorn and she told us about you
and said you were an expert in the Drekhorn
and we should seek you out and that you had been missing.
That is true.
You look comfortable here.
Are you missing or, you know, did you just move?
Just move to a new place on this floating iceberg?
No forwarding address.
Do you want to make a charisma or a persuasion check of some some kind there?
Well, that didn't go well, which is in keeping with my character.
That was a six, a six on that persuasion check.
So really she just yells out, bitch, you cool?
Flint and I just kind of look at her.
I am rough.
You know, she says, what color was Dallas hair?
Oh, God.
I already put my notebook away.
Well, her last name is Silver something, right?
Silverhorn.
Fine. You guys check out.
I'll let you in.
She says, have you come to find just the Drekhorn or
Well, now that you're here, you'll have to do something about the dragon because he's not going to let you leave.
But how do you intend to deal with that?
Oh, we're kind of just fly by the seat of our pants warriors.
So, yeah, we're not really planners.
No, because if we can get away without fighting, we'll probably take that option.
However, he is kind of terrorizing everybody around here and we feel the need to help out with that.
He won't be the first dragon we've slain.
I have seen many warriors as strong as the looks and the likes of you be devoured by Arathatar.
It just leaves me nervous for your well-being.
But you asked if I was missing.
And yes, I have been missing.
I arrived here three years ago and Arathatar would have normally killed me without a second thought.
However, the brooch of the Arcane Brotherhood, which I still wear,
he thought that that might present a solution to two problems that he had and thus kept me around.
What problems does he have?
First, the dragon still possesses numerous items and writings which were stolen from the Arcane Brotherhood,
some of which defied his understanding even after decades of study.
He wished that I would help him decipher and figure out these writings.
He's a scholar.
Second, Arathatar had long sought a way to help his mate Arivaturas overcome her grieving over the death of the wizard she once served,
replacing that dead wizard with a living one.
And the member of the Arcane Brotherhood for him seemed like a great idea.
That has not worked out well for him, but I've convinced him that keeping me around to go through these writings is in his best interest.
So you weren't good enough for his lady dragon?
She has many levels of psychoses.
In fact, she still wears her dead wizard on her back saddle.
It's kind of... it's a weird state that she is in.
How is an independent dragon like Arathatar, who's his own master, together with a crazy psycho dragon...
Hey, hey, I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
Thanks for continuing the journey with us for Episode 5 of Dumbgeons and Dragons, this one titled Bananas Are Dangerous.
And it's true, they are very dangerous, obviously.
I don't have a huge amount to talk about today, so I'll jump right into the part I'm most excited about, and that's the reviews from you.
PinkPinker says, Adventure Time! Game on, folks! Just go and have a listen already. You're gonna dig it.
Thanks so much, PinkPinker.
And Julie456 says, My new favorite show! I'm thrilled to have found this show.
I love the storytelling and obvious rapport and chemistry among the players and DM.
I don't have a local D&D group, nor the time to play, but with this show, I feel like I'm part of the adventure.
Please keep making episodes. I beg you, please!
Don't worry, we'll keep putting them out as long as people are still listening to them, right?
I'm really loving the reviews. It's great to hear from you, the people who are enjoying the show.
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If you think about it, after this episode, and if you haven't already, you could leave a rating and review about the show.
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Our next episode will be out March 1st, and to give you just a bit of a heads up, it will be a bit of a longer episode.
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Have a wonderful couple weeks, and we'll talk to you then.
The mating protocols of dragons sometimes eludes even the most scholarly of dragon studyers, such as myself.
Of course. I can tell with the words you used.
I feel like she needs to die too, just because she's a crazy dragon.
Oh, I thought you meant...
Whoa! Let's dial it back a notch here.
Anyone see a river around here? I heard running water in the other room.
Oh boy, here we go.
So much like the kobolds that are polishing corpses a few rooms back, you've convinced this dragon that you're useful to him?
Yes, exactly. So that is how I've survived this long.
So is this dragon just kind of dumb or what?
No, he is quite intelligent. And I am serving a purpose for him in that I am deciphering these texts and tones.
But you're doing it real slow, aren't you?
Real, real not fast. I mean it's taking me quite a while to get through them.
There's some very in-depth things, but yeah, I'm taking my sweet time, taking my sweet time.
Hey, I look over to the two kobolds that are like obviously trying to pretend like they're not listening to the conversation, but what they are.
And I kind of gesture like what's like are these guys to like make sure you don't leave or like make sure no one comes in?
Because if so, if it's a ladder, they're doing a terrible job.
They're here to, if something does happen to me or otherwise, to inform Aruthatar of what's going on.
And before you said that, you noticed them kind of skirting to the side a little bit, but they stopped as soon as you started talking about them.
I see you, I see. Do you have like a leash or a collar for them or anything?
There are some ropes around, yes. She hands you a couple of ropes.
Guys, should we maybe tie them up?
I don't think they're really doing much to hinder us at the moment, so maybe we should just leave them be.
No, but they're going to run off and tell Aruthatar that we're...
I'm pretty sure he knows we're here.
Well, yeah, I guess so. Fine, I glare at them like if you move.
We should probably find out all we can about this Dracorn and various other things that are going on.
Indeed.
What's up with the Dracorn?
What up with that?
Let me tell you about the Dracorn.
Let me find the right page in my many texts and tomes to tell you about the Dracorn.
The Dracorn was here when I arrived.
However, a group of humans wearing distinctive robes came to the iceberg half a year ago or so.
Were they purple?
Yes, they had a purple hue to them, yes.
After negotiating with Aruthatar, they took the device away.
Aruthatar is stupid.
They may have made a deal with him.
Do you remember what the deal was?
I was not involved in the deal.
But if he allowed them to leave with one of his possessions, I can only assume that it would be beneficial for him.
Even despite the fact that with the Dracorn they could control him?
It's more of a signaling device.
A suggestion more than anything.
It's a come hither?
Let me tell you about the Dracorn.
Oh, yes.
The Dracorn was a gift from Tiamat in the war between dragons and giants.
It was once the horn of her ancient red dragon consort, Ethelamon.
There will be a test afterwards that she gave to the dragon kind to help them in their war against the giants.
The Dracorn is a signaling device, but it is so large that it requires two medium size individuals, humans or otherwise,
or one larger giant type to carry it, while another sounds it, making the earth resonate to its call.
The horn has been blasted with fire into a dark ebony hue and is wrapped in bands of bronze with draconic ruins that glow with purple eldritch fire.
The low moaning drone of the Dracorn discomforts normal animals within a few miles,
but it alerts all dragons within 2,000 miles to rise and be wary for great danger is at hand.
Those with the knowledge of the Dracorn's history know that it was built to signal danger to chromatic dragons,
a purpose the call to the dragon has corrupted to call chromatic dragons where they may now be located.
Got all that?
So let me get this right.
It plays Paul Simon's Kodachrome.
Yeah.
And that's all it does.
Yes.
Calls the dragons.
Perfect.
So it used to just alert the dragons like, hey, watch out, dangers are coming.
But now the Cult of the Dragons has like changed that.
So now it actually summons dragons to a specific place.
That is correct.
Aw, shitty.
Do dragons have the option of not listening to the summons?
They are drawn to its call.
Now that you're here, Arithitar most certainly knows that you are here as well.
Yeah, we've talked to like everyone on the way.
Yeah.
If you were to attempt to make an escape, you may not be able to do so as long as he is able to fly and attack your ship.
Oh, yeah.
Well, we'll probably just have to kill him then.
I anticipated you would be saying that.
There are some things I can give you if you can help me escape and bring things with me.
Sure.
What I would like to bring are the stolen goods from the Arcane Brotherhood.
Of course.
My organization would wish to have those back.
Most of those are located in the Scriptorium, which is located right next door.
She points to the back corner.
Yeah, the toads.
No, no.
She points to the back and says here, which you can't see, but she points back here and says back through there is a large library of volumes of books.
And she says the toads?
Well, both the toads.
The next two doors down on the left, back up that way, there's a room full of giant toads writing scripts.
They are keeping track of Arithatar's possessions, as well as they do keep very good history of the North.
They do.
They're quite intelligent creatures.
Do you think that they'll have a history of what the deal was for him to give up the Dracorn?
They may.
I don't know.
When we asked about the Dracorn, though, they didn't give us any information.
If you ask them directly, then they didn't tell you they might not have that information.
What they keep is more valuable information.
But that would keep a ledger of where it went, right, and how to get there.
Perhaps only who it went to.
That's a good start.
She says, what I would like to bring, the majority of it is in the scriptorium, but some of it may be in Arithatar's lair as well.
Well, we'll kill him first, and then you can take anything you want.
She goes to her desk, or she's at her desk, she opens a drawer and pulls out a ring and lays it on the desk,
and then goes to a fold in the tapestries on the wall and pulls out two arrows and says,
this is a ring of cold resistance, and these are two arrows of dragon slaying that I've been able to craft since I've been here.
They may help you in your fight against Arithatar.
I can tell you how his lair is laid out.
I know Arithatar tends to use traps in his lairs.
I cannot tell you where those are as he keeps a close eye on me when I go down there.
So just be wary when you are down there to watch out for traps.
Yes.
There are two entrances, one through the scriptorium, which is directly behind us here,
another in a storeroom further down the hall, which drops into a further area from where he is located.
She begins describing the whole just of his realm there.
He is generally in the westmost area of his lair.
Dropping down from the scriptorium, you will go into his perch area where he sometimes spends his time.
Perching.
Perching and lounging, if you will.
Okay, hold on.
I'm imagining a big like one of those little like Tweety Bird has that swing.
Is it like that?
Well, it's more of a shelf, but it is where he often will be sleeping.
And then the abyss where he spends most of his time down from that drops down.
He calls it the abyss.
That's what I call it.
It's cheery.
Yes, it is a very cold.
You thought this whole iceberg was cold?
It is colder down there.
The second entrance, which is over in the storeroom there, drops down into an area with large ice pillars.
And then there are two tunnels which lead into the abyss.
Okay.
Where do you guys think we should go down?
Well, I mean, at least the scriptorium we know just goes right there.
Do we know where the storeroom is?
Because we could run into more creatures out, get into that storeroom.
It's not too far, though.
You haven't been to it yet, but the way she describes it, it is...
Just down the hall and to the left.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
Because I think that would give us probably...
I think I prefer not to be on a perch.
Because how high up is that perch?
That perch is 16 feet and then the abyss goes down to zero.
So it's like a 16-foot drop from the light blue area to the dark blue area.
I think that's a survivable drop.
I also feel like perch seems like maybe a bad idea in case he's sleeping there.
Yeah, because although...
Or maybe that's good.
Maybe we want to sneak up on him when he's sleeping.
I prefer to kill him in his sleep.
Do you guys happen to have the name of the previous ice dragon that we fought written down anywhere?
Perhaps.
Because I'm thinking if we can go in there and say, we don't want to kill you,
but we've done this before and we can reference the dragon that we killed,
then that might be...
He might take our threat a little more seriously.
Is it Verem?
No, that's one of the head dragon cult people, isn't it?
Yeah.
Glazhale.
That sounds right.
I have white dragon's ice and stuff written beside it.
Perfect.
Perfect, yeah.
Blagothkis?
No, who's that?
Was that the ice giant?
Blagothkis?
Yeah.
Yes, he's a giant cloud giant.
Okay.
Gleshale, then.
How about Gleshale?
I think it's with a Z though.
I think it's Glazhale.
Could be.
I always just have to try and do it phonetically.
Yeah, it's a good call.
So, yeah.
Because I think if he's not sleeping and we can't just sneak out,
I think we need to announce ourselves and lay like an ultimatum.
Absolutely.
Ultimatum.
An ultimatum.
Just go in ultimatum.
Put that devil fruit out of here.
I figure if we drop in there and can actually reference the fact
that we have killed an ice dragon before,
and we don't really want to kill this guy,
we just want to be on our way.
Of course.
Maybe he'll let us go.
Oh, yeah.
But he needs to let us go and Macoth,
which he just might not be willing to do.
But who knows?
We don't have to tell him that part.
How are we going to sneak her and what she wants to bring out?
That is a good question.
Because she is not coming with us right now, right?
No, I have a feeling she'll probably stay in her fort.
She won't come with you down to the lair?
Is that what you're asking?
Yeah.
Yes.
No, no.
She describes the entrance to the lair to you,
and it is from the scriptorium,
it is relatively easy to get down,
but neither area is easy to get out of.
Arithatar wishes prisoners and guests alike,
he makes sure that it's not easy for them to get out of.
Okay.
So when we go down, we leave a rope dangling.
Well, Flint has that ladder.
I do have my ladder.
True.
And I also have, how big are these openings?
20 feet.
Whereas area 11 is closer to about 10 to 15 feet across.
She says that he is able to clamber up and down this passage without difficulty.
Both of them.
Because I also have guacamole.
And the chute goes down about 60 feet to the roof of area 19,
after which there is a 15-foot drop to the ice platform.
Ah, this is going to be fun.
It's like a little, it's like an ice slide.
It was like we're doing, we're louging.
Yes.
We're skeletoning down there, right?
Exactly.
And guacamole could probably help us get out.
Right.
If we needed to, at least through the bigger one, probably the number six.
Six.
Probably not fly out, but she's got these giant talons and can probably,
if a dragon can crawl its way out of there, I'm assuming an owl could do the same.
Sounds reasonable to me.
Yeah, the chute and the other one is a 60-foot drop as well.
A 60-foot drop or a 60-foot slide?
A 60-foot drop.
That sounds lovely.
60 feet to the top of a platform.
Okay, so I say we go down the one in the scriptorium
because that's a slide and a 15-foot drop, correct?
Yeah, you could make it down there with ropes or some other climbing gear.
Okay, but 60-foot drop just seems like...
Sounds like it's going to hurt.
Make a saving throw to see if you plunge to your death.
Yes.
Yeah, so, all right, let's go down there.
Can we have a long rest there in that nice warm tent
and get all our hit points back before we fight the dragon?
She says,
You may help me get what I need ready in the scriptorium
before we, hopefully, depart.
You may rest until you feel ready to fight Aruthator.
As long as he is down there and you are up here, I feel you will be safe.
She parts the fabric of her tent
and leads you back into the scriptorium where there are walls covered
and bookshelves covered with scrolls and books and writings.
And she tosses you a bag, a rather small one by the looks of it,
and says, start filling her up.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.